A bit about me & my relationship:
So, my name is Edna, I’m 27 and Ghanaian (UK born and bred)! I’ve been in a relationship with my now Fiancé́ (also Ghanaian, but born and raised in Ghana) for 11 years! Whew! Yes! 11 years and counting!
We’ve been in a relationship since I was 16. This is my first and only relationship so in the initial stages I genuinely didn’t think it would get very far, little did I know looool.
The reality of growing together:
I would say growing together isn’t difficult but, it also isn’t necessarily easy. It’s great character building and allows you to sharpen one another. For me, growing in this relationship allowed me great focus as I have only ever had the one boyfriend, so I literally had to learn what works and doesn’t work with him. It comes with its difficult times for example, sometimes we just may not be on the same page, having to learn to compromise a lot too – especially as we’re both firstborns, it isn’t easy (I guess we’re both used to getting our own way loool). But honestly, building and growing together has allowed us to build a foundation that we believe has set us up for life.
What & who helped sustain your relationship?
Oooooo, this is an interesting one. Okay, in terms of what has helped us sustain a long-term relationship, I’d definitely say our long-term and common goals. Quite early on in our relationship, we knew what we wanted from one another, what our non-negotiables were and things we could compromise or work on. For one, as you can imagine, as I’m a diaspora and he was born and bred in Ghana, there were quite a few things I would like to humbly say he had to learn and unlearn. Likewise, there were things I had to learn and accommodate his way of doing things, not forgetting dealing with a guy that’s older and how he views things.
One thing that certainly helped me, was not listening or taking on other people’s relationship issues and bringing it into mine. Before I even met my fiancé, I had seen many of my friends go through break-ups due to interference from others and honestly it would be so heart-breaking. These were people that honestly, could very easily be in my position of a long-term relationship and even greater! I made it a point that if I had any issues, I would tackle it head on with him or in more severe situations I had one friend that was a friend to us both who was able to give us impartial advice – or a good telling off loooool. Aside from that, I always took things to God – there’s just something so serene about having the Lord in the centre of your relationship and knowing that He will ultimately give the soundest advice!
Any challenges?
It’s honestly mind-blowing that we’ve been together for over 11years and of course it came with some challenges. During my university period, I was away at Anglia Ruskin in Cambridge and he was in London. We had been together just over 2 years now and went from spending at least 3 days a week with each other (because we also worked together in TKMaxx), to barely seeing one another in a month. It was definitely difficult at first and honestly, I think if we didn’t love each other the way we did, the relationship definitely wouldn’t work. Bruh! I honestly give it up to all those in long-term relationships because it’s hard out here! The distance definitely causes frustrations at times, with regards to communication and proximity. I would also say that at times (not often) the age gap could be a challenge because, his views on things were slightly more mature. Also, he had more experience as he’d been in relationships prior to me, but I hadn’t. I wouldn’t say it caused major conflict but, sometimes I felt I had to live up to certain standards.
But all in all, I can only recommend committing to a long-term relationship with one person because, that’s all I know. Have I at some point felt like “hmmm I should explore other guys and if they don’t work out come back?”, of course! I’m only human after all, but that was in the first 2-4 years looool, definitely not since then! We have had really solid friends and family around us all these years, always rooting for us so there have been people to lean on if need be. Not to toot my own horn but, almost everyone is #TeamEdna or #TeamElvin, so if we are having issues or bickering, we’d definitely get an earful from either side loool. I’m really grateful for my community and how it’s growing with people who continually love, advice and pour into us.
How has your faith helped you persevere through the years?
Well well well, I’ll be soooooooooo honest! Jesus hasn’t always been the centre of it all (yes that’s a play on the words of the song loool)! More so in the earlier days, we were just on vibes but, that’s how I know God wanted this union because, where we could have easily broken up at certain stages in our relationship, we were able to muddle through. We’ve both always been Christians but, as we took our walk with God more seriously, I’d say our relationship flourished even more. For the longest time now I’ve known he will be my husband (by God’s grace), but that doesn’t mean things have been smooth sailing, of course not. As I mentioned before, we could have easily broken up at several points, even in the last 2 years it was very much on the cards as we both had a dip in our walk with God and were quite laid back about it. But going through what we’ve been through – that is receiving words from people who are ‘seemingly’ of God but rather causing confusion between us and then, having attacks in the form of friends, outsiders and even family, has all been great character building. It could have broken us but, our belief in God and what we know he has in store for us and what he has built within us over the years kept us going. Once we got back into our word, we built our capacity and faith even stronger than it was before.
Any advice or words of encouragement you’d give others in a relationship or wanting to be in a long-term healthy relationship?
I firstly want to honour my MAN, yes, my FIANCÉ! He has been one of my rocks on earth and has been there for me in the bad times and good. He consistently shows himself out for me and our loved ones and I could not thank the Lord enough for bringing a better person into my life, my person!
Long-term relationships require perseverance and grace! If you’re not willing to allow this or if you’re not at a stage where you can get yourself into this position, I’d suggest waiting, as it takes a lot out of you. You’re not at the stage of marriage but, in all honesty, it’s like you’re practically married. Be honest and kind to one another, even when you really don’t want to and when you feel like wanting to call it quits. TAKE IT TO GOD! He will guide you; he will talk to you directly or send you a word through others. Moreover, know the Lord for yourself! I can’t stress this enough, once you know the Lord and what He has said about your life and relationship you’ll be able to suss out when things just aren’t aligning. But in general, long-term relationships are such a beautiful thing when you actively pour into it and nurture it.
I look forward to sharing more with you all, With love,
Edna xoxo
