Intro; Background on myself
Hi I’m Andreas (Dre), I’m 28 years old and I’m from London. I currently work in the pensions industry as a Pensions Governance Exec. I’ll be sharing my experience with depression and how I overcame it.
How and when did you notice something was wrong?
I first felt the symptoms (of what I now know was depression) in mid/late 2021. I started to feel anxious about doing many things such as working, playing football, public speaking, etc. I started to feel like I wasn’t good enough.
After a few chats with a number of mates, I reluctantly referred myself to the NHS service who confirmed that I was dealing with depression – albeit fairly mild. Nonetheless, it was territory I hadn’t found myself in before.
How do you think you got into that mental state?
I think I had become complacent in my current professional situation. My job was flexible which allowed me to participate in many other hobbies outside of work which kept me busy. However, I was not earning the salary I should’ve been to save towards my future goals and desires. By the time I knew it, I felt stuck and was not enjoying what I do. This led to many problems especially at work, where management started to realise, I wasn’t pulling my weight. My job isn’t the hardest thing, so to be looked at as not good enough really knocked my confidence. This then had a domino effect: I entered into a rut with my faith, I wasn’t praying as much or reading my bible, and, although I was in church and around church people, I wasn’t connected to the source.
How did you feel during that time (Thought, emotions, symptoms, etc.)?
I always felt like there was a cloud over me. Even when I was happy in a moment, I’d always realise that I wasn’t in the greatest situation and it’d put me down again. I started to lose a lot of motivation and just didn’t want to do anything. I started to feel irritable and would just procrastinate even more.
How did depression affect your everyday life?
I wasn’t able to put my all into a lot of things including my relationship/friendships. I just wanted to retreat. I started to withdraw from a lot of people and stuck to my inner circle who I opened up to about my problems. They were amazing for the most part – some people didn’t understand mental health and were not entirely helpful, but I still felt their love and knew it wasn’t their fault. They tried to help as much as they could.
What/who helped you get through/overcome your depression? Are there specific support systems that were crucial in your healing process?
Speaking to people definitely helped as they checked up on me every day and encouraged me. People would usually send me job specs for roles that I really wanted to do and would help me through the application process.
Joining the Alpha Course at Church allowed me to answer questions about faith. It was like a therapy session. God has been great and understanding my identity in Him has helped massively.
I also enrolled with the NHS therapy scene, which took me on a prolonged course to try and restore my mental capacity. The course and sessions covered various topics to help understand why I felt the way I felt and ways to combat those feelings. I am fortunate that I started to feel better towards the end of the sessions but, I can see the benefits of having more sessions and would encourage others to take this path.
Additionally, taking a social media break for around 4 months was fantastic. I was able to shut out the unnecessary noise that social media brings and focus on restoring my mental state.
How did therapy and your faith help you on this journey?
God has been great and understanding my identity in Him has helped massively. I attended the Alpha Course at my church during this difficult time and this served as a sort of a therapy session. I was able to go back to my first love, understand who Christ was, why He is important to me and the freedom I can experience through him. I was reminded that regardless of circumstance or situation, I can find joy and contentment in him. He is with me through any trial. God really cares about us; He tells us to cast our burdens (some versions say anxieties) onto Him and he will take care of us (Psalm 55:22 and 1 Peter 5:7) and I was able to witness that first hand. Life gets on top of us and it’s difficult to manage in our own strength but we are able to with His help and leading.
Therapy was good, I was able to ask myself questions I hadn’t thought about before and face them head on.
Any challenges during your recovery process?
As I briefly mentioned earlier, some people didn’t understand what I was going through and didn’t understand why I would act the way I did. I couldn’t blame them for this but, it did have negative effects on my progress. So, I withdrew from a lot of people and stuck to my inner circle.
What strategies have you found most effective in overcoming depression, maintaining your mental health and preventing relapses?
- Being transparent with close friends and family
- Focusing on my faith and relationship with God
- Taking social media breaks
- Doing things I enjoy, going choir practice every week was like a safe haven for me
Where are you now mentally?
I am in a much better mental space; I now understand my emotions a lot more. I am able to identify triggers and prevent them from leading me into a negative space.
I have also learnt to not do too much. When I can tell I am getting burnt out, I retreat and take my mind off things to ensure I get enough rest, and then continue with my schedule. I have realised I am more productive this way.
How can others support you?
Others can support by just random check-ins, or just generally just being kind. One thing I did realise is that a lot of people get quite upset when they realise you haven’t hit them up in a while but don’t know what you have been dealing with. If you do feel I haven’t checked up in a while, just drop me a line, a check-up call can go a long way.
Prayer is also an amazing tool, many of my friends prayed with and for me during that time and that really meant a lot.
What advice would you give others (especially men) feeling depressed?
Honestly, speak to people. Be honest with your emotions. You’re not “too man enough” to cry or be vulnerable. Seek help where needed.
By TransparentC
