Intro, background on myself
Hi everyone, to anyone reading this, I hope that my transparency will give you the encouragement and freedom to break free from anything you may be struggling with.
My name is Bennie and I am an auditor and part qualified chartered accountant. Outside of my 9-5, I am the founder of ‘Unified UK’, a Christian social and networking events community and I’m also passionate about prison ministry, where I volunteer to help offenders grow in their physical and spiritual walk of life, during and after prison.
When did your challenges with alcohol start?
Before I became a born-again Christian, I had a very harmful relationship with alcohol since I was 14 years old (in year 9). I had grown up in church so I was advised against the typical sins such as, no sex before marriage and no drinking of alcohol etc. However, succumb to the peer pressure of being around others who drank excessively, I gradually begun drinking too. All my friends looked like they were having a much better time whilst drunk and had excess confidence when it came to approaching girls, which was something I was lacking. After a while, I gave into drinking alcohol and this progressed into heavy drinking from a tender age of 14, when my friends & I drank a bottle of vodka amongst ourselves on the way to a party. In all honesty, I had enjoyed the experience and loved the attention I got from my friends saying “everyone prefers drunk Bennie, as he is funnier and more confident”. I internalised this and believed I was the ‘best social version of myself’ when I was drunk.
My level of alcohol consumption increased and got worse as I got older and started to go out more with friends. There were periods of my life where being 3 days sober was a record for me. Especially during university, I was known as “the life of the party”.
How did heavy drinking affect your everyday life?
My heavy drinking didn’t spiral into drinking alone although, my friends and I were out partying and getting drunk every weekend. The hardest thing was hiding it from my family, especially my mother being the prayer warrior she is. She would have been abhorred by my behaviour, especially at such a young age. This was the beginning of my double life. However, my older sister knew the things I was getting up to and she would always say that “I am pretending to be somebody I am not”. This wound me up because, I knew it was true.
The biggest impact alcohol had on me from the age of 14 – 20, was my confidence. I placed such a reliance on alcohol to give me excess confidence to hide my insecurities. In addition to this, my alcohol abuse encouraged me to indulge in sexual activities which I knew I wouldn’t want to do whilst in a sober state. I hated how I was applauded the most when in a drunken state, compared to the normal sober Bennie; but as I didn’t want to lose my status, I hid behind this identity.
Fortunately, my alcoholism did not have a serious impact on my ambition and drive. Despite the heavy alcohol consumption, I continued to be an ambitious and driven person and knew when it was time to slow down the “fun”. However, at university when social drinking became an everyday occurrence, I started to blur those lines and crossed my own boundaries. As a result of my more frequent alcohol consumption, it impacted my university grades as I was more concerned about partying and getting drunk, than my actual priorities. This was one of the catalysts in making me turn from my excessive alcohol consumption.
What prompted the change? When and how did you realise you needed/wanted a change?
My turning point from alcohol abuse was during the first lockdown in March 2020 of the pandemic. Pre-lockdown, I was drinking almost every day during university and my friends and I would push each other to see who had the greatest alcohol tolerance.
I always felt conflicted and thought if I was able to break free from alcohol and abstain from sex, I would have the freedom required to pursue a genuine relationship with Christ. However, I felt like I was in chains and was ashamed to admit back then that I was an alcoholic.
Lockdown starved us all of the norm but, it had especially rocked my world as there were no parties or social gatherings, which meant there was no opportunity for me to drink, as alcohol was prohibited in my household.
What/who has helped you on this journey?
I remember it like it was yesterday; the feeling of withdrawal symptoms from alcohol and being drunk. I did not feel like myself in a sober state. This experience sent nerves down my spine, which made me look at myself in the mirror and ask myself the question “Are you an alcoholic?”. This question then led me to do research on alcoholism symptoms and I was shocked to see myself fitting into the status quo. I then searched for an Alcoholics Anonymous (AA) meeting which unfortunately was not possible due to lockdown. In this moment, I felt like the prodigal son in Luke 15:17, where he had come to his senses and realised his frivolous way of living was only leading him to his destruction and he was better off going back to his father’s house. I resonated with this and thought, I am better off living for Christ then pursuing this destructive path of alcohol abuse. In culmination with a few other events, there came a night during lockdown that I gave my life to Christ and I prayed that God would give me the strength to resist alcohol.
Throughout the years, I felt I was always strongly influenced by friends until I gave my life to Christ and realised that “I do not need to conform to the patterns of the world but, be transformed by the renewing of my mind (Romans 12:2)”.
How has your faith helped you on the journey?
As I had strengthened my relationship with Christ by spending more time reading the Bible and in prayer, the urge to drink gradually reduced. There are two key verses which have deterred me from drinking and eventually I completely stopped drinking alcohol. Ephesians 5:18 says, “do not be drunk with wine for that will ruin your life. Instead, be filled with the Holy Spirit”. The other verse is Isaiah 5:22 which says “what sorrow for those who are heroes at drinking wine and boast about all the alcohol they can hold”.
When I look back on my alcoholism, I can say personally there was no benefits and the short-term gratification of it does not compare to the long-term impacts of alcohol abuse e.g., hangovers, low self-esteem, health complications, etc.
The reality of the change – any struggles or challenges?
The first few months were surprisingly quite easy due to lockdown and not having the opportunity to drink in my household. However, when the lockdown restrictions were slowly lifted, that was the real test for myself.
I remember going to a friend’s birthday in the summer of 2020 and there was alcohol and I had literally felt a pull in my heart towards the bottle. I was about to throw in the towel and cave into my natural instinct but, thank God I had my best friend who wouldn’t allow me to drink. He reminded me of how far I have come and how that old Bennie who used to love drinking is dead and that is no longer who I am. It says in 2 Corinthians 5:17 that, “if any man be in Christ, he is a new creation the old has passed away, behold all things are made new”. This was the best encouragement I could have received at the time.
To help me in future situations, I also told others to hold me accountable when out in a social environment and to not allow me to drink.
Who is Bennie now? Who is Bennie becoming?
One of the biggest misconceptions I’ve realised now that I am sober is that “the drunk version of Bennie being the more confident and funnier version” could not be further from the truth. Now that I have stopped drinking, I now know that alcohol did not make me more confident but, that confidence was always on the inside of me.
I feel I am in a season of becoming the man God created me to be (Jeremiah 1:5). As a result of being in a sober state of mind, I am able to be much more diligent and focused on my goals to see my dreams become a reality. I am also honoured to be in a position of freedom and deliverance where I feel no shame for my past and I know how much it encourages and pushes others towards making a change also.
Due to the extent in which I indulged in alcohol in the past, I have made a personal commitment to never drink alcohol again. I made this decision as I do not want to take the risk of falling back into my old habits. As someone who has a very addictive nature, I had to be honest with myself and know that ‘prevention is better than cure’ and I am safer not drinking at all, than potentially testing the waters. Galatians 5:16 tells us to “walk by the Spirit and we will not gratify the lust of the flesh”.
Any advice you’d give others struggling with alcoholism?
To anyone reading this, I hope my story and vulnerability encourages you that there is hope if you are struggling against alcohol abuse.
My top tips would be:
- Firstly, be honest with yourself and a close person in your life that you have an alcohol problem
- Seek help spiritually, physically, emotionally and mentally
- Have others around you to hold you accountable
- Remember, this is a marathon not a sprint. There will be some days that are better than others, but the key is to always get up when you may fall down. Proverbs 24:16 says “the righteous man falls seven times but rises again”.
